A process of finding lasting security.
24.5.11
This Secret Place of Mine
Wide-eyed, watchful and diligent,
I seek to establish form.
A mist appears across the land,
I hesitate but move boldly forward -
I will find that secret place of mine.
Notwithstanding all the evidence,
I press forward like one possessed;
I will find that secret place of mine,
Because I know that without it
I'm doomed to roam with no place to rest.
The heat of the parched land is unbearable,
And refreshing rain is rare;
I must find that secret place of mine,
For if I fail, and fail I might,
Then all will have been a waste of time.
At last exhausted I collapse into night,
And sleep the sleep of the blessed.
This must be my secret place at last,
As here I am, and here I'm at peace -
This place must surely be mine.
Day dawns bright and I look around -
No other living soul in sight;
I feel myself home in this secret place,
And get down on my bended knees
To thank God for arriving here unscathed.
The years roll by and I'm satisfied
With the comfort of my home;
However far I stray from this place,
Wherever I choose to roam,
I always return to this secret place of my own.
But one day it happens all at once,
At a time when I'm so content,
I realise I'm not alone in this space;
It's not just me and my special God,
But the spirit of all is in every place.
At first I am so disconcerted that I
Recoil in my need for containment.
How dare the world come invading my space;
What right has God to allow this affront,
When he was the one who established me thus?
Alone and invaded I sit in confusion,
For never again can I ever feel safe;
What God had provided, he now has destroyed;
By gifting me thus with a fullness of sight
He has taken from me what I treasured most!
I rant and I rave and get heated
From the turmoil I find myself in;
What was the point of my secret place,
If now I'm enlightened I can never come home
To a place where I feel securely alone?
Even the God that I though I possessed
Has become strangely silent to me;
And the comfort I had from my secret place
Has turned into saddness and utter despair;
The ache of this heart I'm unable to bear!
"Why, oh Lord, did you lead me hither
To finally suffer such grief?
And why are you turning your face away,
As if you've abandoned your servant alone,
And taken the keys of his intimate home?
I wait for an answer, but nothing comes through,
But the throb of my broken heart;
I slowly arise from my secret place,
And begin to walk out through the door I designed
To keep out the world from this space in my mind.
"Nothing is sacred" I cry to the wind,
"No place of sanctuary really exists,
There's no such thing as a secret place!"
And the greatest delusion I kept in my mind
Was sustained by the thought of the God I'd defined.
Slowly I walk out across the terrain
Of the landscape I'd come to distrust,
(The reason for seeking a secret abode);
But no longer caring if I live or die,
I find myself wandering away from the road.
The further I wander, the more I get lost,
But it no longer matters by now;
With no need to return to my private retreat,
I lie down to rest in the place where I am,
Knowing I just do the best that I can,
For no longer owning my secret abode,
With no special need to get home,
Every place where I am is a special space,
None of them secret - but I don't care,
For the spirit of God is everywhere.
.
Ah, how beautifully it is thus expressed, taking the reader on the journey so many take, mayhap without reaching that conclusion. I rather wonder if it is the Hindu "god" they find thought if they do.