On an airport
I am tired of flying
take my wings away ...
Lend me some shimmering sand
where innocent dreams stay
Hoarse voices booms
In a crowded hallway
Keep your passes ready
We send metal wings your way …
Threads lay bundled
my Kites are no longer free
Who shall tell the blue cloud
that the blind turns belong to me....
kah
This is fantastic, Niks. I see a weariness that longs to be put down to rest...a need to stay grounded. The metaphor is brilliant - the closure is very interesting - leaves the reader with idea that something wrong needs to be righted, thus the desire for a place to be still. A wonderful poem through and through.
This is fantastic, Niks. I see a weariness that longs to be put down to rest...a need to stay grounded. The metaphor is brilliant - the closure is very interesting - leaves the reader with idea that something wrong needs to be righted, thus the desire for a place to be still. A wonderful poem through and through.
shanmugam
i agree with ms mamta agarwal. shan
i agree with ms mamta agarwal. shan
mamta agarwal
your sense of ennui, longing for nature and nostalgia about simple childhood games and open places- very vividly captured- a lot in three stanzas. the last stanza is simply amazing; how reassuring you still have them somewhere, so there is hope the kites will rise and meet the blue cloud. Independence day is good to let the child in you take over from corporate high flyer.thanks Nikunj
your sense of ennui, longing for nature and nostalgia about simple childhood games and open places- very vividly captured- a lot in three stanzas. the last stanza is simply amazing; how reassuring you still have them somewhere, so there is hope the kites will rise and meet the blue cloud. Independence day is good to let the child in you take over from corporate high flyer.thanks Nikunj
Elena S
Beautiful! The blue cloud would not miss your sight,maybe it's you to miss the beauty of a flight. Please keep your wings so many people want to fly but can't! ..Try a break once in a while.. Maybe kites are never free. If their threads are not kept in own hands, the wind would blow them or could be caught by a tree.. Your poem give me the wings, thank you!
Beautiful! The blue cloud would not miss your sight,maybe it's you to miss the beauty of a flight. Please keep your wings so many people want to fly but can't! ..Try a break once in a while.. Maybe kites are never free. If their threads are not kept in own hands, the wind would blow them or could be caught by a tree.. Your poem give me the wings, thank you!
Ezna Stephna
Excellent writeup! you really wrote this poem from your real feeling that what you left.....great indeed
Excellent writeup! you really wrote this poem from your real feeling that what you left.....great indeed
Juan Olivarez
Excellent poetry, well written.
Excellent poetry, well written.
Lynda Robson
Great poem Nik, I always enjoy reading your poetry
Great poem Nik, I always enjoy reading your poetry
Ron Peat
Interesting concept Nikunj. the middle stanza needs some real help. Cut "even" I'm not sure of the intent in the "hoarse syllable" And who is "they"? airport passengers? The closing lines are wonderful. "the blind turns belong to me" With that in mind go back to the middle stanza and the last 2 lines in you turning. I like the opening "take my wings I'm tired of flying. Too much travel can put a bummer on loved ones and family, real needs. I get that. But "rough paths" — wanting adversity in this world might be really asking for it in a big way. Don't tempt fate. Metal kites is good they don't fly at all. maybe they ought to be stringless as well. I think it needs polishing. "On the runway" might be a better title and create a better focus for the overall intent. Just some thoughts. The hardest part of any poem is writing the closure and you have a great one here. A fantastic metaphor in that closing stanza on the poem; rethink it back through the poem. A poet friend//RH Peat
Interesting concept Nikunj. the middle stanza needs some real help. Cut "even" I'm not sure of the intent in the "hoarse syllable" And who is "they"? airport passengers? The closing lines are wonderful. "the blind turns belong to me" With that in mind go back to the middle stanza and the last 2 lines in you turning. I like the opening "take my wings I'm tired of flying. Too much travel can put a bummer on loved ones and family, real needs. I get that. But "rough paths" — wanting adversity in this world might be really asking for it in a big way. Don't tempt fate. Metal kites is good they don't fly at all. maybe they ought to be stringless as well. I think it needs polishing. "On the runway" might be a better title and create a better focus for the overall intent. Just some thoughts. The hardest part of any poem is writing the closure and you have a great one here. A fantastic metaphor in that closing stanza on the poem; rethink it back through the poem. A poet friend//RH Peat
Sandra Martyres
A very well written piece Nikunj....the piling up dreams and the blue cloud...
A very well written piece Nikunj....the piling up dreams and the blue cloud...
Linda Winchell
My son is a pilot and just purchased his first airplane. But I don't think he has reached the point of wanting his wings removed yet. LOL All believers in Christ will receive new ones anyway! LOL
My son is a pilot and just purchased his first airplane. But I don't think he has reached the point of wanting his wings removed yet. LOL All believers in Christ will receive new ones anyway! LOL
Fay Slimm
A touch of need seeps from these lines - dreams have to be fed too - - the blue cloud knows now and will get that kite aloft somehow. A fresh look at what too much of anything can do and so well written Niks.
A touch of need seeps from these lines - dreams have to be fed too - - the blue cloud knows now and will get that kite aloft somehow. A fresh look at what too much of anything can do and so well written Niks.
sridevi
This verse shall tell the blue cloud what belong to you :)
This verse shall tell the blue cloud what belong to you :)
You have given birth to a beautiful poem filled with a great rhyming scheme, and like all good poets I was drawn right into the poem and flying right along with you. Excellent Job.