concealed...
picture by 'tiny red warrior'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
light playing
with dark
teasing
silent
mocking
shades deep
crevices
hidden
remote places
waiting
unrevealed
absorbed
concealed
holding close
moist secrets
stream
stroking pebbles
infant's breath
whispering past
smoothed stones
silvery
filtered light
echoes of
forgiven
flight
Dorothy A. Holmes apwlts2
A verse as gentle as you Robyn...Lovely indeed... with or without good input from R.Peat. Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing
A verse as gentle as you Robyn...Lovely indeed... with or without good input from R.Peat. Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing
Jenny Gordon
Fascinating and very lovely, even in its grey, forlorn hues. Awesome imagery and interesting form. It flows as if of the stream itself, rhyming as if over the stones below. Thought-provoking, beautiful tinged mournful. Excellent.
Fascinating and very lovely, even in its grey, forlorn hues. Awesome imagery and interesting form. It flows as if of the stream itself, rhyming as if over the stones below. Thought-provoking, beautiful tinged mournful. Excellent.
robyn selters
Thanks for your thoughtful observations, Ron. I see your point and will remove the second 'dark,' and I am replacing the words 'not revealed' with 'unrevealed'... and will consider how else to make the poem flow more. Much appreciated and glad you stopped by and nevertheless saw something you enjoyed in my poem. :)
Thanks for your thoughtful observations, Ron. I see your point and will remove the second 'dark,' and I am replacing the words 'not revealed' with 'unrevealed'... and will consider how else to make the poem flow more. Much appreciated and glad you stopped by and nevertheless saw something you enjoyed in my poem. :)
Ron Peat
Nice piece Robin. you should tighten the lines to make it read smoother. The spacing makes the poem drag too much. The short lines slow it enough already with the verse breath pauses. I question the reiteration of "dark" I think you can add to your poem by using another word with a dark meaning and the poem will benefit from the change. As a whole the intent of the poem smokes. It rocks the cradle of eternity. A poet friend...RH Peat
Nice piece Robin. you should tighten the lines to make it read smoother. The spacing makes the poem drag too much. The short lines slow it enough already with the verse breath pauses. I question the reiteration of "dark" I think you can add to your poem by using another word with a dark meaning and the poem will benefit from the change. As a whole the intent of the poem smokes. It rocks the cradle of eternity. A poet friend...RH Peat
Sylvia Frances Chan
While reading your verse, along with the words that go downwards, I get the feeling that I'm walking quickly next to the stream...this poem gives me that side-effect....brilliantly laid out, Robyn!
While reading your verse, along with the words that go downwards, I get the feeling that I'm walking quickly next to the stream...this poem gives me that side-effect....brilliantly laid out, Robyn!
Punsara
well written poem.....you have not used lot of words to expose the theme you wanted to express....pukka work.
well written poem.....you have not used lot of words to expose the theme you wanted to express....pukka work.
Rahul Aithal
Beautifully constructed write, Robyn.
Beautifully constructed write, Robyn.
Chaos1214
Ha ha... I love it, truly. In other words (or what it says to me, any way), "Watch your step." : D
Ha ha... I love it, truly. In other words (or what it says to me, any way), "Watch your step." : D
Ralph L. Jones Jr.
Minimalist form and subject go together beautifully in this piece.
Minimalist form and subject go together beautifully in this piece.
yelena
absolutely spellbinding, robyn. a perfect example of structuring to enhance the power of words.
absolutely spellbinding, robyn. a perfect example of structuring to enhance the power of words.
Botan
Very creative and beautiful poem, thank you.
Very creative and beautiful poem, thank you.
robyn selters
I have considered your thoughtful suggestion, Shriram, and decided it is indeed enhanced by adjusting these lines... Thank you :)
I have considered your thoughtful suggestion, Shriram, and decided it is indeed enhanced by adjusting these lines... Thank you :)
Shriram Sivaramakrishnan
lovely!...who said free verse is free altogether?..such a nice use of white space....but one small comment...the lines 'dark remote/places' should've been much better had they been 'dark/remote places'.....but i loved the feel
lovely!...who said free verse is free altogether?..such a nice use of white space....but one small comment...the lines 'dark remote/places' should've been much better had they been 'dark/remote places'.....but i loved the feel
STEALTH
Yes a gem of a poem, crisp and clean. Radiates a peaceful calm.
Yes a gem of a poem, crisp and clean. Radiates a peaceful calm.
Frank James Ryan Jr./FjR
Structurally abstract, and very apropos to a storyline to match suits... Robyn, you never disappoint....Ecrit tres bon,on ami! ~FjR~
Structurally abstract, and very apropos to a storyline to match suits... Robyn, you never disappoint....Ecrit tres bon,on ami! ~FjR~
j_kool
Very nice piece. Like the way it's put together.
Very nice piece. Like the way it's put together.
Elena S
Whispering past, stroking pebbles words put so beautifully that one for whom you wrote could cry with shivers. Your poem brought to me the image of a bath taken in a flowing river..Lovely, write, thank you for share.
Whispering past, stroking pebbles words put so beautifully that one for whom you wrote could cry with shivers. Your poem brought to me the image of a bath taken in a flowing river..Lovely, write, thank you for share.
Kendzi
Moist secrets? You just had me totally mystified.
Moist secrets? You just had me totally mystified.
Lynda Robson
Well constructed with beautiful words Robyn
Well constructed with beautiful words Robyn
Karin Anderson
An intriguing write Robyn and I the words are spaced out to bring mystery to the reader. Beautifully presented and am glad to see echoes forgiving~
An intriguing write Robyn and I the words are spaced out to bring mystery to the reader. Beautifully presented and am glad to see echoes forgiving~
marvinbrato
Skillfully crafted poem!
Skillfully crafted poem!
Kesav V Easwaran
Beautiful words beautifully laid out, Robyn
Beautiful words beautifully laid out, Robyn
I like how you isolate the words in this description. The description is gentle and delicate. I find the following intriguing: "echoes of/forgiven/flight"; "whispering past" is nice.