Sixteen Lines
As I walk along the border
between reason and disorder
Tripping past the neon garden
of my jaded, ill spent youth
Gazing off into the distance
pondering this mad existence
Who is God and what strange
notion led him to create all this?
Take me far beyond the steeple
to a land of unscathed people
Where no single rule or concept
dooms four billion helpless souls
Show me love without condition
without heaven or perdition
Where no act of false contrition
guarantees eternal bliss
Frank James Ryan Jr./FjR
Oh, yes, this has indeed tap tapped upon my chambers door, as i was just getting ready to take to early slumber 9for once) when i came upon this midnight dreamy of a Poe-influenced pen-gem a la Patrick M. ! Quite fine...and more than that, "I LIKE IT' ! ~FjR~
Oh, yes, this has indeed tap tapped upon my chambers door, as i was just getting ready to take to early slumber 9for once) when i came upon this midnight dreamy of a Poe-influenced pen-gem a la Patrick M. ! Quite fine...and more than that, "I LIKE IT' ! ~FjR~
Chaos1214
Ha ha... I now know the definition of epiphany, and have you to thank for it : D
Ha ha... I now know the definition of epiphany, and have you to thank for it : D
Juan Olivarez
Great poem Patrick the rhyming scheme reminds me a lot of Poe's style. Bravo.
Great poem Patrick the rhyming scheme reminds me a lot of Poe's style. Bravo.
ron flowers
I like this a lot. I like the rythm. I especially like the first stanza.
I like this a lot. I like the rythm. I especially like the first stanza.
erik99
The rhythm (recalling Poe's Raven) and the rhyme scheme carry this piece on right to the end, with its slghtly sceptical conclusion. Philosophical poetry is difficult to carry off, but you've managed it well.
The rhythm (recalling Poe's Raven) and the rhyme scheme carry this piece on right to the end, with its slghtly sceptical conclusion. Philosophical poetry is difficult to carry off, but you've managed it well.
vinita18
Utopia! We all dream of it, yearn for it... your poem is a very beautifully composed piece on this desire that haunts us all. Good write!
Utopia! We all dream of it, yearn for it... your poem is a very beautifully composed piece on this desire that haunts us all. Good write!
Jenny Gordon
Very well put, and contemplative, and dare I tread further safely? The "church" has so far as I see presently, long deluded "the faithful" about God and His Way and His Word, and your inclination to find the truth in some remote untaught/untouched people, is only too common....yet for all the lies they taught us, the truth and answer remains in God's Word alone, so far as I know, and as only a girl, that is rather too bold to say so to a guy. God's love as I see it from my present understanding of the Bible IS indeed without condition in that "...if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly condemned...." it is His free gift and that is all that can be said for His love, that I can see. It is a perfectly stated rather succinctly put 16 lines.
Very well put, and contemplative, and dare I tread further safely? The "church" has so far as I see presently, long deluded "the faithful" about God and His Way and His Word, and your inclination to find the truth in some remote untaught/untouched people, is only too common....yet for all the lies they taught us, the truth and answer remains in God's Word alone, so far as I know, and as only a girl, that is rather too bold to say so to a guy. God's love as I see it from my present understanding of the Bible IS indeed without condition in that "...if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly condemned...." it is His free gift and that is all that can be said for His love, that I can see. It is a perfectly stated rather succinctly put 16 lines.
tom balch
Great rhyme and flow and one to get the mind working, Tfs.
Great rhyme and flow and one to get the mind working, Tfs.
heterodynemind
In awe of this one, rhythm man! :)
In awe of this one, rhythm man! :)
StandingBear
Thank you for the nice welcome! A fantastic poem you've written very well, relating the thin line we must all walk between reason and disorder.
Thank you for the nice welcome! A fantastic poem you've written very well, relating the thin line we must all walk between reason and disorder.
nimal dunuhinga
Do not toss into the waste bin,unconditional love mix with everything,let the life goes as it is as the stream you cannot stop and one day it goes to the Dumb Ocean!
Do not toss into the waste bin,unconditional love mix with everything,let the life goes as it is as the stream you cannot stop and one day it goes to the Dumb Ocean!
La Finita
What a rythm, what a cadenece and musical poem! Yes, tha world is cruel, still, hummbly, is not God who made cruel, humans beings did. And though you complain to God in 3rd stanza, the last two are a real prayer. You have faith, Patrick, your youth is whatever, but never a waste.
What a rythm, what a cadenece and musical poem! Yes, tha world is cruel, still, hummbly, is not God who made cruel, humans beings did. And though you complain to God in 3rd stanza, the last two are a real prayer. You have faith, Patrick, your youth is whatever, but never a waste.
Don
The rhythm is pure Poe. The longing for unconditional love in a world of so much division and hate is palpable.
The rhythm is pure Poe. The longing for unconditional love in a world of so much division and hate is palpable.
Patrick McFarland
Thanks, all of you. I was so close to tossing this in the waste bin because I couldn't get the stanzas to gel the way I wanted. I appreciate the in-depth comments so very much.
Thanks, all of you. I was so close to tossing this in the waste bin because I couldn't get the stanzas to gel the way I wanted. I appreciate the in-depth comments so very much.
Raj Arumugam
A good poem of spiritual inquiry, Patrick. The phrases have a great deal of depth in their references: 'Where no single rule or concept;acts of false contrition;guarantee eternal bliss' - all evoke and refer to so much that has absorbed and pained human beings and continue to do so.../ As I see it, the whole answer is in the place: 'Where no single rule or concept' is - and that of course is within. It is to see that everything is but a question of conditioning, and to drop one's conditioning, then one sees the state of clarity... I'm not sure if you intended to imply all these in your poem, but that's what I see. / I'm also reminded of : The Daoist introduction to the Dao, for example, that the Dao that can be described is not the Dao, or the Dao that can be defined is not the Dao is one example of this going beyond concepts and rules in our inquiry into truth. / Cheers and thanks for an absorbing poem.
A good poem of spiritual inquiry, Patrick. The phrases have a great deal of depth in their references: 'Where no single rule or concept;acts of false contrition;guarantee eternal bliss' - all evoke and refer to so much that has absorbed and pained human beings and continue to do so.../ As I see it, the whole answer is in the place: 'Where no single rule or concept' is - and that of course is within. It is to see that everything is but a question of conditioning, and to drop one's conditioning, then one sees the state of clarity... I'm not sure if you intended to imply all these in your poem, but that's what I see. / I'm also reminded of : The Daoist introduction to the Dao, for example, that the Dao that can be described is not the Dao, or the Dao that can be defined is not the Dao is one example of this going beyond concepts and rules in our inquiry into truth. / Cheers and thanks for an absorbing poem.
Fay Slimm
The dactylic dance of this verse mesmerizes and reading aloud its sixteen lines is a delight. The message is clear - - that much unconditional love is what is needed Patrick and thanks for this potent reminder.
The dactylic dance of this verse mesmerizes and reading aloud its sixteen lines is a delight. The message is clear - - that much unconditional love is what is needed Patrick and thanks for this potent reminder.
Ah, you must go in search of truth for the answers to your questions...there will always be conditions in our quest for love and God's plan... Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing Thank you for visiting my pages.