After working in the substance abuse field for many years I was inspired to write this one.
Addicts Lament
The mere taste of you excites my soul
Breathing you in, sets me ablaze
Can't release myself from your hold
Mind distorted, a swirling haze
Veins filled with your warm existence
Mind reeling with horrific phantasms
You take control of my every sense
Without you chills and violent spasms
I hate you, love you, need you so
You turn my world into total chaos
My cravings for you they rapidly grow
You've proved to me that you're the boss
Please set me free, from wicked torment
My life means nothing at this time
Silence my harrowing addicts lament
Release me from your chain-gang line
The hold you have reaches heart so deep
Can't face the world without you now
I think of you even in my sleep
Got to leave you, but don't know how
Oh how wicked and cunning you are!
To take my soul, while I'm having fun
Stood drinking at your intoxicating bar
Never again to feel a sober sun
Strong progression of thought revealing the traps we leave primed for ourselves. Powerful!
This is wonderful with an outpouring of passion. Great to read with a fantastic flow.
This is a very expressive story of unrequited love, and your showing that one-sided love as an addiction was a great idea, Pendemic. Thank you for this brilliant poem. Carl.
A fine poem with smooth lines that convey the agony of those addicted to substance abuse: Stood drinking at your intoxicating bar Never again to feel a sober sun
Free flowing pure poetry is a joy to read and it's my love to do so!
Fing great Pen! I love your vocabular, I wish I could sneak in a borrow a few words from you. I like these: " The hold you have reaches heart so deep" & "think of you even in my sleep". Adore the flow. Great work!
A wonderful cadence in this piece with its line ranging from 8- 11 syllables/ the majority hitting on 9 syllables. Very strong music. At first I thought it was accentual meter because the cadence was so strong. Wonderful rhyme scheme as well. I think the form is a little tight. It doesn't give the reader much breathing space. A few stanza breaks might slow down the poem some/ pace it more. This would allow the rhymes to dance a bit more as well as the cadence to be felt more. Octets or quatrains might be nice. But even breaking for rhetoric might be good for opening, turning point , & closure. just some thoughts. lovely poem. Enjoyed the read. I liked John's comment as well. A poet friend//RH Peat