He (TANKA)
he sits on the roof
I watch his face filled with pain
deep inside his heart
remainings of shattered love
piercing terribly within.
his heart so tender
it cries but his tears unseen
they dried long ago
he pass his days collecting
pieces of his scattered heart.
Raj Arumugam
a very evocative poem...great lines...love it. suggestions: remainings = remains pass = passes why do you need a full-stop after each stanza?
a very evocative poem...great lines...love it. suggestions: remainings = remains pass = passes why do you need a full-stop after each stanza?
She Who Waits
this is a beautiful sad poem…. I can feel you looking at this man with weeping eyes
this is a beautiful sad poem…. I can feel you looking at this man with weeping eyes
Carl Harris
This is a beautifully expressed and phrased double Tanka poem, Priyanka, and as usual, it is flawlessly written. Carl.
This is a beautifully expressed and phrased double Tanka poem, Priyanka, and as usual, it is flawlessly written. Carl.
Raj Arumugam
very insightful and powerful lines, Priyanka: he pass his days collecting pieces of his scattered heart. (pass=passes)
very insightful and powerful lines, Priyanka: he pass his days collecting pieces of his scattered heart. (pass=passes)
T A Ramesh
Nice poem well expressed the heavy heart of a human in Tanka style!
Nice poem well expressed the heavy heart of a human in Tanka style!
Neatly expressed feelings - yours & his :)