I wrote this November 2008, the last time I saw my youngest brother alive. He died December 2008. He would have been fifty three April 1, 2009.
A Heavy Heart
The morning sky is cold and gray
It mirrors the feeling in my heart
I pray for you a better day
One free of pain, a brand new start.
You've always done the things you should
Your family could not ask for more
If I could trade with you I would
My years are greater by a score.
I cannot see a reason why
You suffer so much more than I.
Ron Flowers 2008
Susan P. Bagley
We have all been there to see a loved one suffer and wonder why. Nicely done verse Ron.
We have all been there to see a loved one suffer and wonder why. Nicely done verse Ron.
Ben Gieske
Well expressed with a lot of feeling and a generous spirit of sacrifice.
Well expressed with a lot of feeling and a generous spirit of sacrifice.
Karin Anderson
A wonderful warm tribute to your Brother, Ron, even though the skies are cold and gray, I can feel the warmth in your heart. To me it flows beautifully and how sad he died so young. The question in your rhyming couplet, is one I often wonder about too, and if only we could take pain away from those we love. What's in your heart and in the content of your poem is far more important than counting syllables... love Karin
A wonderful warm tribute to your Brother, Ron, even though the skies are cold and gray, I can feel the warmth in your heart. To me it flows beautifully and how sad he died so young. The question in your rhyming couplet, is one I often wonder about too, and if only we could take pain away from those we love. What's in your heart and in the content of your poem is far more important than counting syllables... love Karin
Susan Jarvis
Your pain in this poem is palpable, Ron, and the rhyme and meter are spot on - I think Greenwolfe's rhythm's out of sync - it's a beautiful and special poem just as it stands. :)
Your pain in this poem is palpable, Ron, and the rhyme and meter are spot on - I think Greenwolfe's rhythm's out of sync - it's a beautiful and special poem just as it stands. :)
Sandra Martyres
It is really tough losing your younger brother...but your gentle and tender poem shows how lucky he was to have you as his older brother. Take care Ron
It is really tough losing your younger brother...but your gentle and tender poem shows how lucky he was to have you as his older brother. Take care Ron
GREENWOLFE 1962
I tell you what Ron . You have written a poem here with a consistent structure . But the problem is , it does not read well because it is unballanced . This is a poem that can be corrected in that but I am not going to do it . This is because you have to do it if it is to be done . You can leave it the way it is and no one will complain because you wrote it from your heart . But if you do want to make it read better , you need to be sure that there are 9 instead of 8 syllables in the fourth lines of the two verses . And I hate to tell you this , but the words you chose to use as rhymes at the end are not very good ones . At least , not there . I can't tell you anymore because this could be very hard to do . My advice is simple , study the wording in lines two and four of each verse and see if you can come up with something that adds the extra syllable in the fourth lines and reads or (flows) better from word to word . Well , as they used to say on mission impossible , "that is your mission if you choose to accept it." HeHeHe ! Still , a very good sentiment expressed . ------- Greenwolfe 1962
I tell you what Ron . You have written a poem here with a consistent structure . But the problem is , it does not read well because it is unballanced . This is a poem that can be corrected in that but I am not going to do it . This is because you have to do it if it is to be done . You can leave it the way it is and no one will complain because you wrote it from your heart . But if you do want to make it read better , you need to be sure that there are 9 instead of 8 syllables in the fourth lines of the two verses . And I hate to tell you this , but the words you chose to use as rhymes at the end are not very good ones . At least , not there . I can't tell you anymore because this could be very hard to do . My advice is simple , study the wording in lines two and four of each verse and see if you can come up with something that adds the extra syllable in the fourth lines and reads or (flows) better from word to word . Well , as they used to say on mission impossible , "that is your mission if you choose to accept it." HeHeHe ! Still , a very good sentiment expressed . ------- Greenwolfe 1962
carol
blessings for your brother a tender poem
blessings for your brother a tender poem
heterodynemind
Sorry that you lost your brother. I can tell this is a sincere cry about the unfairness of life. I'm sure his sufferings were made lighter by having you for a brother, and knowing how much you thought about him and cared.
Sorry that you lost your brother. I can tell this is a sincere cry about the unfairness of life. I'm sure his sufferings were made lighter by having you for a brother, and knowing how much you thought about him and cared.
JoAnn McGrath
A grand poem straight from the heart.....shows you love him so that you would trade places.....My son's birthday is April 1st
A grand poem straight from the heart.....shows you love him so that you would trade places.....My son's birthday is April 1st
Bless you! Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing