Ode to abuse
I thought I hated my grandfather
because hate is handed down like a disease in families
I thought when he died I would dance
in a red dress on table tops
today he is dead
all last week I cried without reason like rain
today I cried with reason and shame
because hatred makes cowards of us
and my grandfather he was a coward
and I am still alive trying not to be
This is an ode to abuse
for all those who live under its umbrella
and see its many tapestries
ugly unpicked and yet all consuming
stretched on the walls of our histories
This is an ode to abuse
for families who hurt each other because
hurt is a many fingered thief stealing Joy's Temple
turning what should be love
into Recrimination's best attempt
My grandfather, the man who outlived all the good people
watching them die from guilt as he felt none
had the same hands that I have
but used them to unpick lives, my mothers, mine
and tear us all, from each other, from ourselves
like dolls unstuffed lying side-by-side unable to
help each other, we still, are loose at the seams
finding ways, to carry ourselves, in heavy storms
storms of his making, of his taking and though
this is true, I still cry for you
This is an ode to abuse
I miss your life though it makes no sense
because death is not a reason to celebrate
nor can it retrace those things already gone
only remind us we are still here
and must, somehow, carry on
I dedicate a poem to you I wrote for myself...not for the same reason but as a reminder that I really am good and deserving in the eyes and heart of our Heavenly Father: In Me There is value in me There is power in me There is wisdom in me And laughter I am a rainbow of unique wonder There is love in me. Dorothy alves Holmes A Poet Who Loves To Sing
Excellent write, thought provoking
So deeply moving. Your strength is so evident, and as for your bravery, I am lost for words.
A great ode to mixed feelings - I guess there is good in everyone, although we don't, or don't want to see it