Write

Ron Peat
Why are you up so late. Because you asked me: I'll start by saying, this is a splendid sentiment on unrequited love. The lost lover. And the lost love letter by the lost lover that no one will ever read. It's "Love letters in the sand" of sorts. I'm sure you know that song. Which is part of the opening here. Well done. I might break the lines differently however for more emphasis in the context of the overall poem. It looks like stream of consciousness right now or is that write now. but its more to the left than the right, right now. So I would hide those kinds of things that are gimmicky in appearance if it were my poem. And just let those sweet rhymes fall into "internal rhyme" for smoother contextual flow and subtler rhyme song to the voice. It will still be heard but the flow of the language will pull it along with the intent in the use of your language. It would also cut down on the number of end-stops which are making the poem a bit stilted and abrupt in places. The rhythm of the lines is the rhythm of breath, versification. Cadence is within the lines. So by making a lot of changes back and forth between the short and longer lines, you are messing with the cadence and the breath rhythms a lot. This could be done purposely for effect, but it doesn't appear that way in this poem at all. Cadence comes with the accents within the lines. So to continually break on an accent for the most part creates a thud at the end of the lines due to accent and breath stopping pause. Even the enjambed line doesn't work for the betterment of the contextual flow in my opinion. So think of it more in terms of your music, and actually singing with the breath. Just don't try to be a Sinatra and hold your breath forever. It's about how you phrase a song to sing it. And You'll fall closer to what will grab the listener, no matter who they are. If you want more info just write me. A poet friend RH Peat

Karin Anderson
Great word play at the beginning Dorothy plus it's good advice too! So many of my poems are from bit and pieces of paper and ideas from the past. Thanks for giving the right advice on writing!

leafsailor
yes ,i write them and leave them on the picnic table down at the by,for whom ever( so that is how you spell write) thank youDorothy

robyn selters
rather like that, isn't it... I have a drawer and draft box full... what a lovely, lilting poem we can all relate to

Yarbrough
A rhythmic heads-up to not dwell on the page, write and let it go and write some more. Thanks.

eLtrybe
I love it!!!

Philip
Very very good Dorothy....I say this several times a week. Write on write on in majesty our Queen Dorothy.