Noah (the real story?)
The rain was coming down so hard
it drenched me to the bone
I saw a wooden structure
in the distance all alone
I made my way unto the door
and shouted loud and clear
Old Noah popped his head out
and said 'son get out of here!'
The door slammed shut abruptly
and I stood there like a fool
This wasn't like old Noah
to be acting so uncool
I pressed my ear up to the door
and thought I heard a goat
Then all at once I realized
this structure was a boat
A boat indeed filled to the top
with horses, sheep, and fowl
And every other kind of beast
that clucks or brays or howls
I knocked again and shouted
to be heard above the din
'It's raining pretty hard out here
come on and let me in!'
Old Noah shouted through the door
'I'm sorry but I can't
I'd welcome you most gladly
if you were a duck or ant'
'A duck? You must be joking
now come on and let me in
The water's rising very fast
it's nearly to my chin'.
'I’m sorry I don’t make the rules
and I don't mean to be rude
But I’ve got a lot of work to do
so friend I guess you’re screwed'
‘In the name of God I’m begging you’
I pleaded and I cried
'I’m going to die right here and now
if you don’t let me inside!’
The door flew open suddenly
and Noah gave a frown
‘Well get your ass inside the ark
before you go and drown!’
Most happily I came inside
but Noah looked quite pissed
'We're going to be in trouble boy
when God gets wind of this!'
'But I'm sure that God allmighty
would not be so unkind
You showed me love and mercy
when you rescued my behind'
Old Noah clenched an angry jaw
and furled a mighty brow
'I don't think that you understand
the situation now
God was most specific
on who could take this ride
If he knew I let you in here
he would have my ancient hide'
Then all at once the heavens cleared
and the water ceased to fall
The birds were singing happily
and the sun was standing tall
Noah stood in disbelief
confusion on his brow
He shouted out unto the sky
'What do I do now?!?'
He stood for several minutes
as if waiting for a sign
Then grabbed a piece of parchment
and began a simple line
"For forty days and forty nights
the wind is going to blow
and the rain will fall in buckets
unto the earth below
And evil then will parish
leaving Noah and his crew
and about a million critters
to begin the world anew"
'Hold on there!' I scrutinized
'You're story is absurd'
But Noah kept on scribbling
as if he hadn't heard.
'There was no flood'
I pointed out
'So why tell folks this lie?'
Old Noah put his pen down
and he gave a weary sigh
'A couple thousand years from now
when people reads these lines
They're going to think me quite a guy
for saving all mankind
In fact I think I much prefer
this version of events
At least my future progeny
won't think that I was bent'
I must admit his logic
made a lot of sense to me
The man had built a massive boat
ten miles from the sea
His character could not withstand
a thousand years of shame
And if I were in Noah's shoes
I might just do the same
This actually gave me inspiration for my latest poem. Brilliantly funny and creative. A massive well done mate!
Ha! Brilliant!
:) Clever, entertaining write... entirely understandable from a human perspective... and many a religion tends to impose a pedantic, unreasonable view as if it is coming from God. Perhaps one could consider the thought that if there is an Almighty God then this One would not be confined to, or influenced by any limited, irrational view put out by religionists seeking power. Neither would any divine intervention be random... but the hearts and motivations of people would count. Regarding the Noachic account, could one consider the possiblity of a global flood having happened seeing many tribes have a story about such an event, and even the carpenter from Galilee accepted the account as factual (Matt 24:38), so even if he is not seen by everyone as the Son of God, the Christ is widely recognized as a notable sage... Thought-provoking and engaging write, Patrick, in your inimicable style
Smart move by Noah....He must have been a Poet! Wonderful Poem created through Fantasy. Kind regards, Philip
I am so glad Kath recommended this as I had missed it before. Wonderful flowing write with a great humour and who knows you could be right lol. Thanks for the smile.... Pat
I have only just found this brilliant poem, what can I say? Just great does not do it justice, lol
Oh! Holy hell you! lololol My day has been made with this more than just brilliant work Patrick!Gosh! This is mind blowing one hell of a write! Thanks for this work.
My last poem read of tonight (I think). And thank you Patrick, for finishing me off on a total high note! This has everything I most like, pace, wit and insight. I was gripped from start to end and love your take on the whole Noah/Arc thing. I hope others see as much as I see in it, and for that reason, and because I know I will enjoy having it to hand, it is recommended. :) kath xxx
That old story you bring us with a theme song of humanity!
A brilliant story told in easy and flowing verse, Patrick..."But I'm sure that God all mighty/ would not be so unkind/ You showed me love and mercy/ when you rescued my behind" - is really the Gospel (that is, God is LOVE) as I understand it...There is Love and everything else in this world, no matter the religion, is just story and narrative...God is Love and there is no other reality than Love. All religious leaders of all religions, in their push to popularize their brand of religion, conveniently forget this. Your poem reminds us of this LOVE.
Well done. Enjoyed this. I wonder how you came up with all the right rhymes.
Very funny and biblical account glad he saved the animals being an animalist made me smile all the way to the end...regards
Ha ha... A biblical event of the highest order... And spin doctors have been running the world ever since : D
This is an amazing piece Patrick. It's a storyboard, a poem, a brilliant jest , and a biblical re0write. I absolutely loved the humour of Noah and his husband (allegedly). Ha Ha
This is a brilliantly worded humorous piece Patrick...
Patrick another superb write - with humour to smile at wrapped in exquisite rhyme this is just what I needed. Even the title is worth re-reading and as for the rest - -well I have just Recommended. Great stuff.
You know, Patrick....your tell-tales, which are as melodious as they be imageful poetic pen-gems.....sometimes bring me back to my younger years of yore....There was this 1 song that was very popular, a Billboard Top 50 for several weeks back around 1969. It was not Rock 'n Roll, ,but more like poetic ballad (if there be such a musical category,that is). And although it did not have the pop of a Beatles blast nor the thunder of a Stones stomper...."The Unicorn" by The Irish Rovers was & still is one of my fav pop-turners of all-time. And until today, I have never heard or read a Unicorn tell-tale that was even close to copareable to that '69 Billboard Buster....That is until today,as in right now....as in, "NOAH"(The Real Story)?.....Patrick...one word....OUTSTANDING!!!!A Healthy & Happy 2012, my friend ! ~FjR~
Ah Jen, alas I'm a proud member of the American Heathen's Association. It's kind of like being in an organized religion only without the guilt, boredom, hypocrisy, and pedophiles. Plus you get to sleep in on Sunday. Thanks for the comment : )
Patrick, how do you manage to be so sacrilegious and practically blaspheme, if not directly, and yet provoke at least a smile, smirk, or even laugh? For shame or fie...on me! Oh, wait. Excellent rewriting of the truth, in fact, too good! Afterall, it is an example against what yet awaits, so rewriting the story is only fitting. What a heathen you are. La, if only your excellence could be reformed, what would we read? Superb. Alas that you missed the truth.
and the story goes on eloquently!