If I live...
Introduction: (Posted unknowingly whilst still a Draft...Replaced by 'Dancing on the Edge...')
Meter 3/3/3/1
.....................................................................................................................
seeing your...face finely
etched chiselled...strong
you don't see...how you could
ever be...wrong
don't you have...answers for
things great and...small
yet if I'm...troubled it's
not you I...call
I've tried my...whole life I've
waited in...vain
Sorrys you...say then it's
all down the...drain
when it's what...you want it's
all that you...see
I'm lying...prone thinking
soon I won't...be
pushed me too...far and you're
deaf to my...pleas
too many...times I've been
brought to my...knees
I see your...face and I'm
wondering...why
I didn't...see that one
day I could...die
gone are my...hopes for you've
failed to show...love
I've spent my...life calling....
push comes to... shove
help me, please...Almighty
God from a...bove
If I still...live I will
focus on...me
say what I...want to a-
'ccept what will...be
dare to make...errors and
laugh at the...breeze
dance to the...music of
wind in the...trees
A beautiful, uplifting piece Robyn with a nice ending.
Beautiful poem crafted with sugary words. Superb..... enjoyed reading this poem
too many I's conceal yourself
I think many of us can associate with this great poem Robyn... Fine work ...I like it . Have a peaceful Christmas. Kind Regards. Philip
Personally I think the last four lines are the complete poem. Everything else is just trying to get there to say that concise thought of "if I live" Just a thought and feeling I have here. However I do like the use of the couplets as form. They make a foot path with a rhythm that marches the reader into the poem at an even pace. The cadence is a bit rough in spots. But the closure is like a complet poem in those four lines. A poet friend...RH Peat
i loved this piece...bookmarked!
Beautiful poetry rendered here...such a pleasure to read. Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing
A very creative structure Robyn.I simply adore the theme that suits this finest construction so well.Great piece of poetry.
A lovely poem with such feelings...........straight from the heart.
A true moving piece. I agree with Susan: the format sounds like your own heart, Robyn
A very deep poem. This is a great read for me which kept me in suspense. Thank you for sharing this with us all.
I love the poetic form and use of ellipses, and the subject matter engages the mind as well as the heart... an admirable poem indeed. :)
great poem.
beautifully chiselled in every heart with a soft chisel!
inventive format/structure
Beautiful poem I like it
... after begging for love in vain... free to dance... The best steps are when in a fair exchange ... tried it ... unique experience of healing... attached my soul to a tree tried to connect to its rhytm and got to feel what I most needed...Could I ever not be inspired by your poems? Thank you!