“An English Poem” (In four parts)
(Inspired by the book "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer)
(Part-I)
Welcome to the poem that is written
On a language called ‘English’ based upon Britain
Here the creatures are creative in creation
And pronunciation has its own fascination
Your head may spin reading this odd verse
where ‘corpse’, ‘corps’, ’worse’, ‘horse’- can be a curse
Here the double‘O’ in ‘Blood’; not the same in ‘food’
Nor can we say ‘mould’ like ‘would’ or ‘should’
Just compare ‘round’ ‘wound’, then ‘sieve’ the ‘grieve’
And look at the ‘fiend’ ‘friend’ and be ‘alive’ or ‘live’
Please inquire ‘query’ about the sound of ‘very’
Then utter ‘fury’ and ‘bury’; it does vary.
Here we have trouble to heave the heaven
When two one-'Twenty one', but one one-'Eleven'!
How about spelling a little bit of – Psyche?
Can you feel a bit psychologically spiky?
Let’s find which actually rhymes with ‘enough’?
‘through’, ‘plough’, ‘though’ or is it ‘cough’?
We can hear ‘hiccough’ from the sound of ‘cup’
We look the word ‘UP’ in the dictionary and shut up!
Here by lifting up we can be uplifted
Please set up your ‘upset’ mind;but don't be drifted
Here sweetmeats are candies, sweetbreads are meat
Why is it always “Tit for tat’’, but not “tat for tit”?
............................................
(Part-II )
Now second “Up” we have written “ Down”
This language that will cause a "Frown"
The word ‘abbreviation’ is always so long.
‘Booth’ is never ‘beeth’, ‘tooth’ is ‘teeth’ so strong
Here ‘sharp speech’ and ‘blunt speech’ can be the same
While ‘overlook’ and ‘oversee’ are oppositely tame.
One day the weather can be hot as hell.
The next day it can be cold as hell as well.
Here the stars are out when they are visible.
And the lights are out when they are invisible.
When a house burns up, it burns down .
There are some more- please don’t frown.
Here alarm clock goes off by going on.
Read and laugh- “Wow! ‘cow’ does ‘mow’ the lawn!”
Here we find a ‘strapful gown’ and a ‘horseful carriage’
I think I can rhyme this with a ‘hopeful marriage’!
In ‘pineapple’ we find neither apple nor pine.
The bandage is wound around the wound - fits fine
Here customers do the waiting, food servers are waiters!
Can’t recall how to spell- mnemonic, are we writers?
Here longer than sixty minutes rush hours last.
Quick sand works slowly, can’t it be fast?
...................................................
( Part- III)
Now Third 'up' in our 'low-down' set
Not 'withstanding' all the faults we get
Even feet can smell and nose can run
Tomboys are girls, isn’t it much fun?
Hotdogs can be cold with so much of fame.
A slim chance and a fat chance still means the same.
Midwives can be men, isn’t it scary?
When we see stars in eyes, is it so starry?
I still wonder of a caregiver and a caretaker.
A bad licking and a good licking- just the same shaker.
Monosyllabic has five syllables; please just count.
It’s neither here nor there- where is the amount?
No synonym for synonym I have ever found.
To find the already-built ‘buildings’ my eyes search around.
Here we drive in a parkway, in a driveway we park.
And night falls but never breaks, even in the dark.
But the day always breaks, never it will fall.
If I call you a name, will you answer the call?
‘Earn’ but ‘ear’; please try to hear.
‘Wear’ but ‘tear’ now listen here!
We play at a recital, recite at a play.
When you ‘lie’ to me, you don’t ‘lie down’ or lay.
Here soldier deserts his dessert in the desert.
None of these words can be rhymed with ‘Hazard’.
..........................................
( Part- IV )
Now to close this quartet of English words
Can we kill with one stone two more birds?
Here preachers never praught, but teachers taught.
Find a tear in a cloth, shedding a tear can be fought.
It’s called a ‘shipment’ transporting by car.
Transporting by ship’s called ‘cargo’ so far.
The wind is too strong to wind the sail.
The failure is successful when you fail.
We fill in a form by filling it out
Wise man and wise guy are opposites to pout.
It’s time to present the present in present time.
This is how this language goes- supreme sublime.
The insurance is invalid for the invalid we find.
Extraordinary isn’t more ordinary than ordinary kind.
Where on earth is the egg in eggplant, let us see.
‘Shameful’ and ‘shameless’ behave the same to flee.
I love the same meaning in ‘Quite a lot’ and ‘Quite a few’.
If I’ll get the lead out, I may lead something new.
Now ‘Go’ is ‘gone’, nobody is ‘none’
It’s a ‘TV set’ when we get only one?
I try hard to match- ‘doll’ with ‘roll’, ‘dull’ with ‘bull’.
Being no more a fool, I’ll join an English School.
To find out if ‘but’ and ‘cut’ sounds like ‘put’
Or find me the ‘route’ to your English ‘root’?
©Munia Khan 2011
I can write a poem in this poems honor , but i am not as smart as u are ...the poem is a feast for the poetic senses...
Munia...Loved every mimute...how clever of you to spin it...so easy to read...feeding the laughter in me...worked with a girl once who said enuff was enuff which was rough..enough said! Dorothy A Poet Who Loves To Sing
Loved the wit & humour behind this composition Munia ! Our old friend Karin form 'Poemhunter' days had recommended this poem for my reading & I thank her for it ! Karin has already read the First Part of my true ''Story of English Language & Literature in Verse" , based on my researched work being an old student of English Literature ! Looked for your profile which did not reveal much! I have just posted Part Two of my Story of English in Verse , which partly gives the reasons for these peculiatities in the English language ! Though I did not mention the stress shift , the consonantl shit, and finally the vowel shift ,- which occured down the centuries shaping the English language! This language made its initial borrowings from the Celts , followed by words from the Greeks & the Roman Latin !The Danes who settled in Britain in the 9th century simplified lot of plural endings of words (inflections) , and also ironed out the complicated grammatical structure of Old English language .!The Normas brought in further refinements during the Middle English Period and the language evolved gradually , retaining some of the peculiarites - as brought out by you humorously ! I hope to publish my book after completing all the four parts . Thanks for sharing , -Raj
Munia, lovely, inspiring, and superb effort. Thanks.
an absolutely unique, inspiration- and fun-filled awesomeness, dear Munia. enjoyed it so much. i'd bookmark if i could ))
incredible informative write... amazing, Munia
Ohh wowww, my word!! Lol this is a very clever write Munia. I couldn’t read it yesterday and took the evening to read this one and I must say I was not disappointed. And the effort alone should be appreciated. It is one of the most readable, witty and amusing creations that I have read in recent times. This also showed a different aspect of you as a poet. Kinda reminded me of those witty, exhilarating poems Susan Jarvis used to write. Good one Munia, keep them coming, enjoyed the read!! Loved the rhythm and subtle sarcasm you have used in this poem. Good to read!!
Excellent, I admire your wit, your rhyme, and rythmn. I too wonder about the daft language I speak, but also wonder would Shakespeare have been famous without it. A real enjoyable read Munia. Bookmarked to help others understand!
Ah, but this is jolly good fun! Whew! I had heard English is reputed the hardest language to conquer, and indeed they took a number of years trying to teach it to us. As Stella happily commented, glad it is my mother tongue. You do marvelously well with it, especially seeing it has so many contradictory pronunciations and is not your native tongue. Superb piece! Me LOVED!
Have to say it here & now, young lady....A multi-talented scribe you be who has elevated herself towards maximization in virtually every principal facet of the literary arts....and during this time you have posted a many, many pen-gem for us to sinl our literary teeth into....however, the above work....(imo) IS ONE OF YOUR FINEST, Munia, indeed! Kudo's & whens the book signing ?~FjR~
Well, Munia, "touché!" (as we say in English). You have clearly had a lot of fun writing this, and given plenty to us as well. But don't forget the wise words of Homer Simpson - "Why should I bother to learn English? I'm never going to England!"
What a delicious delighting distinctive write! No other words but thank you, bookmarked!
Munia ,you excel here. This must be one of the most novel poems ever posted upon PF...Well I have never seen better of it`s type or form. I think it extraordinary.I give you full marks and ten golden stars ********** And English not being your Mother Tongue have ten more ********** Bookmarked for sure !!!
this is great, m,y dear lil sis..
Fantastic writing Munia. The English language is a farce of a laugh and you have crafted this amazing poem not only in four parts but with rhyming couplets too! A mammoth task I am sure was a joy for you to write and a joy for me to read as well! Bookmarked for sure Munia. This is one of your very best poems!!!
Wonderful!
Impressive composition eloquently written.
wondrful my friend...I have bookmarked this one..something we all have to read every day and laugh, enjoy and feel funny with language..well that is the case with many languages...
Well composed Munia, I'm impressed,
Super witty and so full of truth. A keeper
Your presentation of the absurdity of language is second to none Munia - - Bookmarked for sure. - - wow what a write. Top marks for this one.
I agree with Maggie..thanks Munia for this delightful English treat - a lesson in the language delivered with poetic eloquence and elegance...tfs
Beautiful creative and imaginative poetic work, Munia...i admire your keen observation and your abilty to present your appreciation in most appreciable lines...not a copy cat variety for sure
Ohh...a brain storming...I was simply glued throughout the perusal....a compelling write and the irony is that it is agreeable too....lol!
Munia ! You excel in this fantastic 'English' treat. I always said English was the hardest lanuage to master and you have just emphasised that with an extraordinary poem. Wonderful...and bookmarked to read again when I can't get to grips with the language myself. And I was brought up with it..lol..giving myself lines here..must try harder, must try harder...Maggie :))
Wow.. Munia... ha ha ha... what an excellent write!! Even simple "TO" and "GO" don't sound alike.... You lifted out the 'root' of English language on 'route'... :-)))
an absolutely unique, inspiration- and fun-filled awesomeness, enjoyed it so much reading it .Excellent SMART POET.