/#/The Shield of Shell-Shock/#/
My heart... it broke
too many times
for me to feel
much anything
Like skin that's whipped
until it's numb
the scarring forms
a shield of sorts
My countenance
looks panic-struck
this strangest of
such terse requests
Outstrips my skill
at knowing how
to answer you
I'm in despair
Until one day
I'd left my shield
propped up against
my fractured mind
And every breeze
would make me freeze
and every sound
an avalanche
The strangest thing
this piercing pain
If I can stay
not slip away
There is a chance
that love will stay
Perhaps in time
I’ll find a way
...............................
(picture is by Rozanne)
Yacov Mitchenko
Well, I've read this one before, but I can see it's still among your earlier works. The poem gets better as one reads it. I consider you my friend, so I think I can speak freely. The first stanza has a few cliches. Whatever you do, never ever allude to a "breaking heart". The addition of "too many times" exacerbates the reference. How many times do we hear it in pop songs? A dedicated poet must be able to recognize cliches. My first drafts often have them. As do my second drafts. But I return to my poems with a cool head, and root them out. Still, this is not a bad poem, Robyn. The last 2 stanzas are quite good. But what I'm suggesting is that you have written much better poems.
Well, I've read this one before, but I can see it's still among your earlier works. The poem gets better as one reads it. I consider you my friend, so I think I can speak freely. The first stanza has a few cliches. Whatever you do, never ever allude to a "breaking heart". The addition of "too many times" exacerbates the reference. How many times do we hear it in pop songs? A dedicated poet must be able to recognize cliches. My first drafts often have them. As do my second drafts. But I return to my poems with a cool head, and root them out. Still, this is not a bad poem, Robyn. The last 2 stanzas are quite good. But what I'm suggesting is that you have written much better poems.
Jenny Gordon
Beautiful expression with vivid imagery poignantly conveying the horrendous reality. Scars cannot be erased that I know of, and are less pliable in the place of the former devastation, mementos of the severe damage. Yet cannot love flow over and through the crevices, lending some healing? The scars cannot disappear, yet can't they be softened and solaced, by love? If it is truly love, then I don't believe the damaged character will need to try for it, Love will persist and find a way despite all...or am I dead wrong? Awesome imagery and wonderful. Impressive and fantastic.
Beautiful expression with vivid imagery poignantly conveying the horrendous reality. Scars cannot be erased that I know of, and are less pliable in the place of the former devastation, mementos of the severe damage. Yet cannot love flow over and through the crevices, lending some healing? The scars cannot disappear, yet can't they be softened and solaced, by love? If it is truly love, then I don't believe the damaged character will need to try for it, Love will persist and find a way despite all...or am I dead wrong? Awesome imagery and wonderful. Impressive and fantastic.
Liza
Robyn that was amazing,good request you made for me.It was very detailed. : )
Robyn that was amazing,good request you made for me.It was very detailed. : )
tom balch
Not an easy subject, robyn. But you have handled it brilliantly. Stanza five is perfect.
Not an easy subject, robyn. But you have handled it brilliantly. Stanza five is perfect.
glaric
I'm starting to really love your poetry. They take me to different places and bring back some real interesting memories. Keep writing please!
I'm starting to really love your poetry. They take me to different places and bring back some real interesting memories. Keep writing please!
Pranab k chakraborty
Soft, cool but much reactive and penetrative just oppose the shell from cannon -womb. Man generally can't get himself out of such shock but poet can recover from this trauma.
Soft, cool but much reactive and penetrative just oppose the shell from cannon -womb. Man generally can't get himself out of such shock but poet can recover from this trauma.
Patrick McFarland
This reads like one of the classics. Well done Robyn!
This reads like one of the classics. Well done Robyn!
Dagim
Thought provoking, great write with wonderful imagery.
Thought provoking, great write with wonderful imagery.
spysgrandson
interesting work, especially your choice of shell shock as a concept, which as you know was a WWI or WWII term replaced, in my military training prior to Vietnam, with battle fatigue and now, PTSD--whatever the terminology, the concept still applies and you have done well with it in this poem
interesting work, especially your choice of shell shock as a concept, which as you know was a WWI or WWII term replaced, in my military training prior to Vietnam, with battle fatigue and now, PTSD--whatever the terminology, the concept still applies and you have done well with it in this poem
Karin Anderson
I can see you have a great deal of understanding on the subject Robyn. The images are vivid and and cut into my heart. Like Gita I appreciate the optimism in the last stanza too~
I can see you have a great deal of understanding on the subject Robyn. The images are vivid and and cut into my heart. Like Gita I appreciate the optimism in the last stanza too~
Ency Bearis
lovely poem
lovely poem
Kesav V Easwaran
Beautiful presentation of your poem theme, Robyn...provides eloquent verbal imageries of the pain in the 'fractured mind'...well written piece
Beautiful presentation of your poem theme, Robyn...provides eloquent verbal imageries of the pain in the 'fractured mind'...well written piece
heather wilkins
great poem, Robyn
great poem, Robyn
Lynda Robson
Wonderful write Robyn, bookmarked !!
Wonderful write Robyn, bookmarked !!
Sandra Martyres
Beautiful verses Robyn....
Beautiful verses Robyn....
wombat
Very good reading, thanks!
Very good reading, thanks!
Gita Ashok
A thought-provoking, beautifully penned verse. I like the optimism portrayed in the last stanza.
A thought-provoking, beautifully penned verse. I like the optimism portrayed in the last stanza.
I have to agree with Yacov, the broken heart as love loss has been over done too many times. Besides the point in the poem is to feel the core being broken. So rather than just the heart show the reader how the internal being is injured. An unseen wound would be very good for the intent in the poem. I like the 4 syllable count in the lines. Nice rhythm there. Nice concise lines as well. The poem show a bit of hope in the closure. This is good. I've personally become tired of too much victim poetry. So by showing a place of hope here you've helped the intent in my opinion. A poet friend..RH Peat