I wrote this eight years ago (back in my younger teenager days). I would just like to know what other poets think of it. Critique please and let me know what you did and did not like about it. Thanks.
Unspoken
How do you begin to tell someone
something that can't be said?
Like how you love being friends,
but wish to be more instead.
How do you let someone know
of how much they mean to you
without saying the "L" word
because it's something you're afraid to do?
How do you say, "I love you as a friend"?
How do you say, "I love you as a brother"?
How do you say, "I love you in a way
that I've loved no other"?
I want to be the air you breathe,
be the dreams you sleep.
I want to be your perfect smile,
and be the tears you weep.
I want you to want me
to be the one who you awake to see.
I want you to want me
to love you unconditionally.
And I've tried so hard to climb your wall
that you've built to hide behind
so I can share your pain and dispair
and hear the thoughts that haunt your mind.
Brick after brick tumbles away
the closer I become to you,
but somewhere in the process
there's something I forgot to do.
I didn't stop standing guard
on top of my wall I've built in the past
and now I've lost my balance for you.
I'm falling out of control and falling fast.
My arms are reaching...
For what? I don't know
I can't catch myself
so falling faster I go
I can no longer save myself
there's nothing I can do
except hope you climb off your wall
and pray to be saved by you.
- Finished November 10 / 2003
This is a well written and expressed poetically of such introspection and a desire for wonderful relationship ( be a friend or a lover ). I just noticed one thing probably a typo error of "gaurd " - maybe you mean " guard " . Other than that this is fine.
I enjoyed watching the storyline evolve in this, from untold to inevitability.
@ Ency: Thanks on the feedback. That word gets me all the time. I'm gonna fix that typo right now. Thanks again.