It rained for a few days now; it was calming as compare to the violence inside of me. The sweet soothing smells of fresh water caressing the branches of the trees, I was envious yet I hated the same perfection that was created from natural beauty. I loved her, I love her, and I still love her. I wonder if my emotions are a result of her birthday.
Do I really miss her or am I just wishful thinking. I felt the rain like I never felt it before. I saw my heart lying on the floor and I stood at your door waiting to kiss the painful memories goodbye, I asked too much and received what was never enough. I cried for you and I died for you and only to raise the truth about you.
I never knew the truth about you and how you made me feel. I hate the name of the words you say when you love me. I hate the day you said it will always be this way. I cried for you and I lied for you but I didn’t know the truth about whom you were and who I truly am.
Do I hate myself for trying to forget about you and to try find the stronger me but that wouldn’t stop me from loving you; it would only make me love you more. I hate that idea of us being in love in secrets places and making rose gardens under trees with little you and me but knowing that it only stays a dream cause soon the sun will rise and we leave our sacred place were we once lived and it’s the only place that I find you.
I love you but I hate you and the way I have become, cause it destroys everything I have forgotten and I cannot love the next day but rather have to wait for you to kiss me and say its ok and maybe someday, one day it will be ok and we will love again and even if it’s not you and me at least we have our garden were we can once be the love birds that will never be.
I hate you, I hate you so much for leaving the blood stains on the carpet, for fighting for something you didn’t want and denying the only thing you loved. It’s not true; it’s not fair how come I have to work so hard at making you love me.
I can’t do this anymore I can’t do this any more, I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t know how to do this anymore, I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t find the substitutes that smiled for you and audition in the hospital while you tried to lick the wounds better.
I hate the idea of the light a fading like the slow love song about to play and we hold hands in the dark and that calming feeling touching me coming over me and I hate to see you there I hate to see your face anywhere I love to hate you anymore.
I lost for you, I’m lost with you , you left me behind to die for you and I tried to do what’s best for all of us but I was wrong and now you gone and now you gone for good and if I know you gone for good.
I know you gone for good and that’s not really a good thing and I know I hate the idea of being gone for good, I just want to wake up from the night mare you put me in, I want to wake up I hate this place, what have you done, what have I done.
I hate this place. The calm feeling is gone its all gone, its all gone like the fires that kept us warm in winters night and I held you tight with the stars as our witness I held you tight, I held you close and you kissed my lips and you broke the trust the seal of trust to never leave. I held you close and betrayed the trusts and now you gone and now you gone so the darkness comes.
The darkness comes, watch it cover me in the blanket we made love in. It covers my soul to keep me warm like your arms once did. I’m feeling cold, I’m feeling cold, let go of me ,let go of me please let me go and die with out me, go without me and leave like you did before.
Your gone, I know you’re gone. I can feel it, its cold, it’s like when god doesn’t talk to me, it’s like when god ignores me, yes I know this pain. I have felt it before. I know you’re gone.
I know this feeling all to well and I accept it, your gone, your gone but it’s only for now, only till the sun rises then I know you will be back for me the next day but it’s my dreams I have to fear now, it’s where you always will be, it’s where you create the one place that I can’t say no to you, I can’t resist you in my dreams and I’m not sure if I want to. I love you but please let me go in my dreams and let me go in peace. Please let me go. Please let me go.
A good write thanks for sharing