Dodo
Still in its infancy..... any thoughts welcome. Not sure if I should be so "giving" in my title, might think of something a little more subtle.
Dodo
Man put us all to sleep a long time ago
Now he unearths us, pulling away
Our ancient blanket with talon-like tools.
Years he spent erasing our name.
Hunting for pleasure, denying
Us our place on their plate-
Mocking our “tough as leather”
Flesh, tossing us to the snap
And crack of a hungry dogs jaw.
Now they marvel us in museums
Bringing their young to study
The redundancy of our wings-
A joke-gift from God, who during
His arduous task of creation
Decided to let off some steam-
How he and the angels must have laughed
When, wishing to escape some hungry
Fleet-footed foe we attempted to
Put height between jaw and claw,
The comical flap of frantic wing
And shock-scramble of our feet.
Here is not home. I have watched
The moon curdle in the frozen glare
Of my brothers, have heard
Children laugh at our “crushed thumb”
Beaks. But I maintain composure
For in my deep-soil sleep
I have heard the whispering of rebellion
From the unsettled assembly of core
Which is soon to begin the great inhale.
Overall, Vincent, my take is that this is a quality display of free-verse, especially being this still in the drafting stage....Okay, I don't like the title...but i don't want to make any suggestions either, as if you agree, i also know that your creative 3rd Eye will muster up something more apropriate,if you haven't already. I've known you & your work for the past 4 or 5 years, so i also know that like me, that regardless as to what be left in comment 'neath the above poem, that you will be "tweaking" until you can no longer hear the "squeaking" that only people like YOU & ME hear everso anemicly "leaking", from our own work ,while others (perhaps justifiably), think we are merely "freaking" over something that has looked damn good from the gityy-up !Solid Penning, my friend...Hope all has been going well in your world, these day's ~FjR~
Vince, after inhaling this tribute to Dodo I agree mostly with Frank below - - this spontaneous freshness that you are so gifted with is found here all present and correct as we expect from your pen - - and as you having brought Dodo to life in apt lines you will surely be able to think of a change to the title - another fine example of talent that bends words at will. Greetings and best wishes from Fay.